Waiting is the hardest part of our foster care journey so far. The paperwork was easy. I handle to-do's for a living, so it was actually kind of fun to check off all the to-do's throughout the foster care training & licensing process.
But now we just wait.
It could be weeks or months even. Or it could be today...in a few hours. There are so many factors that go into children entering care & getting matched up with a foster family.
It's hard to not know what to expect. Can I go run that errand, take that weekend trip, wait to do the dishes till after I watch another show? It's hard to constantly be in a state of being ready to drop everything to answer a call and have a stranger show up with two little strangers that will live with us.
But it's what we signed up for. And we're all in...we just wish we knew when this would all happen.
Sometimes I wish God would say, on May 13th, you'll get the call and they'll show up and you'll need to be ready. Then I would know I had x amount of time until the phone would ring. I could make concrete plans without inserting the caveat of, "I may need to cancel last minute, but yes, I'll be there if I can."
I tend to be a complete control freak. So waiting without knowing the timeline is so hard. I literally create and manage timelines for a living. "We need to do ‘X’ by this date so that ‘Y’ can happen by that date."
It's how my brain works. So you can imagine that living without a set timeline is sort of slowly draining the life from me. Ok, that's dramatic - but really, it's hard and I'm just impatient. I told a friend recently that I think God is going to use this waiting time to free me of my impatience and control, and teach me to trust Him and His timing.
So here I am once again, asking God to help me not to freak out, not to try & maintain control, and not to just sit around speculating on when we'll get a call.
It probably won't happen when the kitchen is spotless, the bathrooms are freshly cleaned, and we have no plans that night. It will probably happen on a day that I chose to forego a shower until 4pm (because #workfromhomelife), the dirty dishes are everywhere, the laundry is piled up, and we have plans that night.
But you know what? I will scramble to shower, clean up the dishes, and do the laundry. I will welcome these kids into our family whenever the time comes with as much grace, love, & sensitivity as I have. Despite the best laid plans, it's still going to be a shock, for us and for these scared little kids who likely just want to go home.
However, this is what we’ve signed up for - being inconvenienced in order to provide a safe & loving (& probably temporary) home for whoever may need it. But until then, I'll wait. I'll keep living life until life is turned upside down. And that will be completely okay - not easy, but okay. Because I know God's got this, He’s got us, & He’ll create something beautiful from any brokenness He brings our way.